Giving Gifts That Don’t Suck

My first blog post. I am intending that this blog will chronicle the metamorphosis of a life-long clutterbug, scatter-brained, wild-haired, eternally lycra-clad mother of two (delightful) grubby-faced, shrieking kids into a serene dutiful housewife, master of pristine home, empty shelves, ordered drawers and shiny children. Probably though, it is just going to be about buying nice new things and what wine I am currently drinking in the kitchen.

For my husband’s 40th birthday I gave him something he had been pleading for ever since we moved in together 10 years ago, and which recently I had been trying to palm off as the result of having small people in the house, which was to declutter our home. In the week before his birthday I hastily read Marie Kondo’s fantastically titled book “The Life-Changing Magical Art of Tidying Up” and on the day of his birthday I had 17 rubbish bags full of clothes and household items to throw out, which my husband claims was the best present he has ever been given. Ok, so I didn’t actually throw them out as Marie had instructed, but at least I hid them in a cupboard to be “dissected” at a later date. It’s the thought that counts.

On the topic of birthday presents, here is a list of stand out gifts I have personally received:

Contenders for WORST

– an unsolicited Groupon voucher for a botox session from a seedy looking clinic which had recently appeared in the news due to suspicion of using fake products imported from China – a thin and grimy diamond engagement ring in a tell-tale Cash Converters red box from my boyfriend at the time (who was not proposing) – a home brand clinical soap-free wash from local pharmacy (same boyfriend).

Contenders for EXCELLENCE

– a dehydrated ball of cotton which expanded into a pair of thick pink socks with pigs on them when placed in a glass of water (which i wore incessantly and lasted over 10 years) – hand drawn birthday cards from my mum – a silver charm bracelet followed by years of meaningful charms – and surely the winner – a Mr Lee CatCam Video Recorder (a tiny video camera for a cat to wear around its neck). This present also led to me and my cat’s closest brush with fame, when a journalist for a national Sunday tabloid offered to fly up from Melbourne to interview us. The opportunity fell flat after it transpired I was supposed to fictionalise most of the story to create the bridge between a very boring story (girl gets present, cat wears camera) and a remarkable and touching story (owner discovers photos and footage of patients from hospice next door on visiting cat’s camera). Had we gone through with the deal, “Is this Australia’s Most Compassionate Cat?” was the front page headline we were promised.